Fawne
Fawne never got around to calling the adoption agency. The absent minded seventeen year old in her almost forgot that she was pregnant in the first place until the baby kicked and brought her back to reality. She hadn’t seen John in several months, but still found herself sitting in their corner of his favorite bar in D.C. Maybe he died, she almost hoped he had. That would explain why he didn’t want his own baby. That would explain why he didn't want her.
Fawne’s grandparents urged her to stop heading into the city so often, but she kept drifting back to the same barstool, picking at the same tattered leather hole, waiting on the man who would never come. Their trailer park, Fernwood Park, was only a thirty minute drive from The White House, and sometimes Fawne would go stand in front of it. She found herself hoping for a glimpse of the president himself. It was an election year and Ronald Regan was running again. Maybe one day he would see her out there and would invite her inside for tea, or whatever presidents liked to drink. Maybe she would mention John... He was a fancy lawyer in D.C. and she was sure that Regan had heard of him.
“Last call!” the bartender yelled, Fawne had never stayed so late. She realized that her grandparents were probably worried sick! Rushing out onto the empty sidewalk, Fawne felt an awful tinge of pain in her stomach. She knew that she was nearly nine months pregnant, but hadn’t given labor much thought. None of this was real to her yet.
“You okay little lady?”
“I don’t know.” Fawne looked up at Judy, the waitress who was leaning over her.
“You’re going to have that baby?”
“I guess so.” Fawne clutched her stomach and made a face as another contraction took control of her body. “God.”
“Let me help you up.” Judy held out her hands and pulled the teenager off of the wet concrete. “Your water break or is that a mud puddle?”
Fawne reached down and felt her leggings, they were thoroughly soaked. Before she knew what was going on, Fawne was in the backseat of Bones, the bartenders’ Mustang. The top was down and when Judy told him to put it up, he said it was stuck down and had been for years. That was why he took the bus when it rained. The wind rippled through her permed hair as the pain ripped through insides. Fawne didn’t expect labor to hurt so bad.
“Fuck!” Fawne yelled, clinching her teeth.
“Don’t cuss! There are enough words in the English language that mean the exact same thing!” Judy warned, she didn’t care how much pain Fawne was in. She was the one who had gotten herself into this mess anyway. “It took me hearing my five year old say shit to stop, you start good habits now!”
“Ffffff-- fooey!” Fawne did as she was told and intercepted the obscenity before offending Judy again. She had never experienced such pain in her life. She knew for a fact that she was going to die.
“Breathe.” Judy blew in her face forcing her to gasp in air. “You can do this.”
“I can’t!” Fawne screamed at the top of her lungs.
“You have no choice.” The loose skin on Judy’s jaw rippled in the wind, reminding Fawne of a bulldog riding with its head out the window. “Bones! Where the hell are we heading?”
“Inova!” Bones informed. “Best hospital around if you ask me. Not too much further now.”
“That’s in Alexandria!” They were on the Capitol Beltway already. “George Washington Hospital was three blocks from the bar!”
“Inova is the best. That is where all eight of my babies were born!” Bones had his mind made up.
“Eight babies?” Judy asked, interrupted by another scream. “Shhh calm down. It won’t be long now.”
“I don’t care where we go, just get this thing out of me!” Fawne screamed. “God dam--- God dams rivers!”
“Cuss if you need to, you can start working on stopping tomorrow.” Bones reached back and patted the little teenager on the leg. His big tattoed arm yielded a surprisingly gentle and calming touch. “Judy leave her alone about the damn cussing.”
“Go ahead and cuss.” Judy nodded, agreeing to leave her alone. She could start good habits tomorrow.
“Shit!” Fawne screamed in pain. “This hurts.”
“Yeah it hurts, but you’re going to have a sweet baby out it.” Judy thought back to labor pains and was glad she wasn’t in Fawne’s shoes.
“I don’t want a baby!” Fawne cried, drawing out the word “baby“ for a good thirty seconds. Fawne realized for the first time during the twenty minute drive that these pains would lead to a baby that she had no idea how to raise. She was only seventeen! She wasn’t ready to have a baby! What was she going to do?
“Almost there!” Bones saw the bright lights of the hospital up ahead and breathed a sigh of relief. This was his ninth drive to Inova Alexandria Hospital, and he hoped it was his last.
“We made it!” Judy announced, her mouth dry from the wind. “You can do this!”
***
Fawne walked back into her grandparents’ living room the next afternoon, sat down on the couch, and turned on the TV. “Where have you been young lady?” Poppy asked, he was sitting at the kitchen table eating.
“Nowhere, I tried to call but it was busy.” Fawne patted her foot and bopped her head to Madonna’s new song “Lucky Star." She picked right back up with her life as if she hadn’t just pushed out a nine pound human. She didn’t even walk funny.
“I finished your jeans.” her grandma came out and handed her a pair of jeans with an elastic pouch on the front. “I know it’s a little late, but you got another month or so left right?” She looked down at Fawne’s belly and did a double take. “Fawne?”
“What? I had the baby last night.” Fawne looked up at the woman who had raised her for the last ten years.
“You what?”
“I had him, Granny,” she didn’t see what the big deal was. “He was cute enough.”
“Where is he now?” Poppy was standing above her too now.
“With his new parents I guess.” Fawne signed all of her rights away. Her grandma sat beside her and cried. Fawne wondered what they had expected her to do? They were too old to raise another baby.
“Get out!” Poppy pointed toward the door, his lip quivering. “Get out of my house.”
“Don’t, don’t do this!” her grandma begged.
“Get out! I’m not saying it again.”
“I don’t understand.” Fawne stood up and looked back at her grandma, pleading with her eyes, but there was nothing either of them could do. As Fawne gathered her things, she heard them arguing a little, but for the most part her grandma stayed out of Poppy’s way. She wondered if that was why her own Mama had left? Maybe he kicked her out too.
“Bye, Granny.” Fawne waved, hoisting her overflowing book bag over her shoulder. She had no idea where she would go. Poppy ignored her, his face as hard as a rock. She wasn’t exactly sure what he was so mad about, but figured it must be because she let the baby go. Had they expected her to keep it? God, she was only seventeen.
Fawne’s baby didn’t look like she expected. He was bright red, had a big round head, little scrawny legs, and didn’t even open his eyes. She didn’t give putting him up for adoption a second thought. There would be a family somewhere that thought he was cute, and now she was rid of John’s influence on her life forever. Maybe now she could forget about him.
“Back so soon?” Judy asked, sitting down at the table across from Fawne. She couldn't believe Fawne was back at the bar so soon after becoming a new mother! “How’s that precious baby? Where is he?”
“I don’t have a baby. Let’s not talk about it.” Fawne was depressed about being kicked out and wished she was old enough to drink.
“Fawne, what are you saying?” Judy looked at the scrawny teenager who only had a tiny hint of a belly left. When they left the hospital the night before she was still pushing.
“I gave him up, Judy. God, why does everybody care so much?” Fawne opened her book bag and found a crumpled pack of cigarettes that she had swiped from her grandma. She could smoke now that she wasn’t pregnant. “Tell Bones to leave me alone about it too.”
“Alright, sweetie. But you should rest up. Why don’t you head home?” Judy didn’t want to stay on her case about something that was irreversible.
“I don’t have a home.” Fawne took a long drag from her Virginia Slim.
“You don’t?” Judy was getting more and more worried by the second. “What about your grand folks?”
“Dead to me.” Fawne wasn’t going to look back. She had no choice but to look forward now. Time to forget the baby, forget John, and forget Granny and Poppy. The only person that she was going to focus on now was Fawne.
