Sarah
“Not yet, sweetie.” Her husband Clinton said, pacing back and forth, back and forth. The stress of trying to have a baby was taking a toll on their relationship and he felt so sorry for her. He knew that Sarah wanted nothing more than a baby to call her own.
“Come sit down, Clinton. Walking a hole in the rug won’t help the test finish sooner.” Sarah said. She loved her husband and wanted more than anything to give him a baby. She held her hands out to him and he sat down beside her, giving her a kiss on the cheek.
Every time Sarah talked to her mother she had to explain why she wasn’t pregnant yet. Her mom had dreamed of being a grandmother almost as long as Sarah had dreamed of being a mommy. She crossed her fingers and waited, maybe this would be the test that changed things! Maybe this would be the start to her pregnancy! She sure hoped so.
The kitchen timer let out a startling ring, and they both rushed to the bathroom. “I can’t look!” she exclaimed. Sarah felt tears stinging her eyes, this was it!
“Me either!” Clinton confessed. “Let’s look at the same time.” He didn’t try to play it cool anymore, he was nervous. Clinton, who was a successful realtor, usually came across calm cool and collected, but not when it came to his wife’s life-long dream of changing diapers. His insides were churning at the prospect of either another let down or a life changing "YES." Either result would make for an interesting night.
“Okay.” Sarah whispered, holding his hand tight and bracing herself, as she squeezed her eyes closed and counted, “One, two, three!” They both leaned in over the bathroom counter. They were good at deciphering the cryptic tests and knew immediately that they had nothing to celebrate today. Sarah had taken hundreds of dollars worth of pregnancy tests, and not once had they seen a brown doughnut appear in the bottom of the test tube. Sarah had never wanted a doughnut so bad in her entire life.
Clinton wrapped his arms around his wife’s empty stomach and kissed her gently. It didn’t matter, they could be happy without a baby, couldn’t they? “I’m sorry, Sarah.” he said, staring at their reflections in the mirror. He watched as her face drained of all color and her eyes filled with the all too familiar sadness. He suddenly felt the need to console her.“Maybe you knocked it when you set it down? Those tests are sensitive you know…’
“It’s not your fault, and I didn‘t bump the test. Why do you always say that?” her voice cracked as she broke free of his embrace. She didn’t need pity or false hope, she needed motherhood.
The days following the pregnancy test were tense, and the couple barely talked. Sarah was embarrassed. She felt like a failure, and couldn’t help but wonder if her husband would rather be with someone who could make babies.
“Clinton, we need to talk…” Sarah said, not even taking the time to tell her husband hello. Clinton had barely gotten in the door and put his briefcase away before she bombarded him. Sarah led her husband to the living room and grabbed a handful of tissues. She was already crying and knew that she would cry more.
Clinton had no idea what to expect. He knew that things had been strained, but hoped to God that his wife wasn’t leaving him. “What is it?” he questioned, not sure if he wanted to know the answer. They had been high school sweethearts, and he just couldn’t imagine his world without her. “Don’t cry.”
“I’m trying not to.” Sarah said as she swiped away a tear from her porcelain skin. “I can’t do this anymore.”
“Do what?” he asked. His heart sank. He didn’t know what to say to make her stay. He loved her and would do anything to make her see.
“I can’t keep trying to get pregnant. It is killing me.” she said, wondering what her husband reaction would be. Sarah knew that she was disappointing him, but she didn’t know how to avoid it. She couldn’t provide the baby that would complete him, no matter how many times they tried.
Clinton pulled her to him. “Oh Sarah! We don’t have to keep trying… We’ll be okay. Just me and you.”
“But that’s just it. We’re not okay without a baby. I want one. I’m ready to be a Mommy.” Sarah said, pulling away from him and looking him in the eyes. She knew that Clinton was completely opposed to adoption, but she knew it was her only hope. She had to convince him. He had to see. “Please, let’s adopt.”
Clinton knew that they had plenty of money saved, but explained once again how expensive adoption could be.
“Maybe eventually…” he said, dangling one last little bit of hope, tainting it with his own selfish hopes that she would forget.
Sarah stood up and asserted herself more than she ever had before. “No. Not eventually.”
Clinton saw that she was serious. He saw in her eyes that she was at the end of her rope. He had no other choice but to give in. If he didn’t want to lose Sarah, he had to find a way to help her fill the empty nursery that was decorated in all neutral colors. He had to.
“I’ll call around and find out what our options are.” Clinton said, he simply saw no way around it. He loved her enough to do anything for her.
“You will?” The relief in Sarah’s voice soon made its way to her face.
The pain behind his wife's eyes turned to possibility, and he knew immediately that he would spend the next eighteen years of his life raising some other man’s child. He had no other choice.“I may have to sell a few extra houses to afford it, but we’ll make it happen.” He couldn’t help but be happy for her, regardless of the feeling of doom that seemed to appear out of nowhere. Sarah hugged her husband tight. She couldn’t believe her ears and felt like jumping up and down. She was going to be a Mommy! Finally she could forget about pregnancy tests and times of the month! They were going to be parents, and finally Clinton was going to see her in her element. Someday, and someday soon, she was going to have a baby in her arms.
